Girl Gets Stuck In Window Trying To Throw Away Poo
THIS IS WHY WOMEN HATE POOING AT BOYS' HOUSES.
One poor girl has found herself on the Tinder date from hell after she made a series of terrible, split-second decisions.
Luckily her entire embarrassing ordeal has been documented in a GoFundMe page set up by her hapless potential lover, sending her experience viral and giving us the most beautiful story of the year so far.
Basically it all started when Liam Smyth took a girl out for dinner, before inviting her back to his place for "a bottle of wine and a scientology documentary".
"About an hour into Louis Theroux and chill, my date got up to use the toilet," Liam wrote in the lengthy post. "She returned with a panicked look in her eye, and told me she had something to tell me.
"'I went for a poo in your toilet,' she told me, 'and it would not flush. I don't know why I did this, but I panicked,' she continued. 'I reached into the toilet bowl, wrapped it in tissue paper, and threw it out of the window.'"
Yeah, you read that correctly. She threw her shit out of the window.
Liam continues: "I was understandably concerned and told her we would go outside, bag up the offending poo in the garden, bin it, and pretend the whole sorry affair had never happened.
"Unfortunately, owing to a design quirk of my house, the toilet window does not in fact open to the garden, but instead into a narrow gap of about a foot and a half, separated from the outside world by another (non-opening) double-glazed window.
"It was into this twilight zone that my date had thrown her poo."
This was where the second poor decision of the night comes into play; Liam's date happened to be an "amatuer gymnast" and figured she could contort herself out of the window enough to make a grab for her crap.
"She climbed in headfirst after her own turd, reached deeper into the window, bagged it up, and passed it out, over the top and back into the toilet from whence it came," Liam explained.
"But she was stuck. Stuck fast. Try as we might, we could not remove her from the window. She was stuck fast, upside down in the gap."
It eventually took firemen 15 minutes to free Liam's date, who had to be hammered free of the window.
Which is where the GoFundMe page comes in; Liam needs a new sheet of glass for his bathroom window and he's hoping you can help.
If you're feeling generous - or you just want to check out the full, hilarious story - you can head here.