What’s it like to be trapped in an elevator with Ron Burgundy? Look no further than episode 5 of “The Ron Burgundy Podcast,” because that’s exactly what happens to him and Carolina … and they recorded everything. Read on to find out what went down (literally).
The elevator gets stuck:
Burgundy and Carolina were on their way up to the 90th floor of the “Timex Building” to record this week’s episode of the podcast with their recording equipment, as they were coming back from a “field piece,” when their elevator got stuck in between the 86th and 87th floors. Carolina had already called for help. “God we were just returning from a field piece. And so that’s why we have audio equipment with us. Carolina’s handling the situation,” Ron explains.
They’re not alone:
Ron and Carolina are also stuck in the elevator with two other people: Owen and Lupe. Owen, who is claustrophobic, was in the elevator on his way up to a session with his therapist, and Lupe … well, only if you speak Spanish will you know where she was headed.
The elevator drops & Ron gives his review of The Cheesecake Factory:
Just after deciding to move forward with the podcast, the elevator suddenly drops several floors. Following the scary drop, Burgundy made sure everyone was alright and the proceeded to give his review of his recent Cheesecake Factory experience. Ron explained:
“I am a man who likes a good rare pile of meat and a sip from a crystal goblet now and then. I’ll even smoke one of those thin cigarettes Warren Buffett passes around in circles at his men-only club. To put it simply: I like to indulge. So it’s no wonder I enjoyed my two days at The Cheesecake Factory.” He continued, “They have a cheesecake sandwich, so I investigated that. I’d like to try cheesecake subs wherever I can, especially airports because of all the different cultures that meet their. I investigated their shrimp scampi twice in the same day. I actually couldn’t finish it, so I brought some with me.”
And that’s why the elevator smelled like warm shrimp.
The elevator drops again & things are getting more cramped in the small space:
After a second drop of the elevator, Burgundy encouraged everyone to brace themselves by taking a “wide stance” … which led to Ron standing on Owen’s foot. Then, it started to get hotter in the cramped space, which Owen blamed Ron for due to his constant moving around. “If you didn’t move around so much, it wouldn’t get so hot. You’re creating heat,” he explained.
Ron kicks into survival mode:
Fearing that they might never get help, Burgundy came up with this suggestion as a way to survive (mostly): “I hate to jump to this conclusion, but we will have to pick straws at one point. To see if we’re going to have to kill one of the other to eat, to survive. ‘Cause my belly’s rumbling.”
FYI, Ron’s choice was Owen. “If I had to pick someone at this point, I think it’d be Owen. You look delicious,” he explained.
They discuss the benefits of therapy:
Owen explains that therapy is healthy and can be very helpful. He said, “It’s a very healthy thing to do. If you haven’t done it, you should. Seeing a therapist is very healthy. It’s a good way to un-box your feelings.”
However, Ron’s version of therapy is walking on a beach and collecting driftwood.
The elevator drops again & Owen turns into Ron’s therapist for a minute:
Owen basically turned into a therapist for Ron and tried to explain that all of his references to food and eating means that the anchorman is trying to fill a hole in his life. He said, “It’s interesting that it’s all food-based. That it’s something about … seems like you’re always talking about … that maybe you’re trying to fill something inside of you. That you’re always trying to put something in your body to fill a hole, maybe, that’s there. Or that you always feel like you can never get enough.”
Ron then explained that he’ll eat an entire box of Oreos if it was in front of him. And Mallomars.
The elevator starts to move back up & Ron needs to use the restroom:
After the elevator started to move back up, and a group discussion about who they’d have dinner with in heaven, Ron decided on another survival mode tactic — storing urine. And he offered to go first, suggesting he use Lupe’s purse as the receptacle to store his urine in. But after some convincing, a mason jar full of his dragon fly collection was what he was going to use (no dragon flies were harmed in the process), because Burgundy actually needed to, as he put it, “go kaka.” It happened.
Carolina’s reaction: “We have had to rip apart my jacket to tie over our faces. Ron defecated. He tried to hit the mason jar. It’s about … he missed it by I would say half-a-foot. And we just threw a beach towel over it. Yeah, we’re just trying to get through this.”
Don’t worry, Ron offered to clean up the mess himself. Find out if Ron and the group escape the stuck elevator by listening to the latest episode of “The Ron Burgundy Podcast” above!
And make sure to listen every week on iHeartRadio.
Article: Taylor Fields