Jackson Pollock is an American painter known for his “throwing paint at the canvas” style (not its official name). You may recognize his famous painting ‘Blue poles’, perhaps from a visit to the National Gallery of Australia where it’s currently on display, or maybe your kids have made their own version on your hallway walls.

The painting, which represents the dining room floor after my toddler eats spaghetti, was just valued at $500,000,000 dollars. THAT’S HALF A BILLION DOLLARY-DOOS!

Now look, I understand that beauty is subjective and “art is priceless” or whatever but $500 million!? Are you kidding me!? It looks like you gave 10 toddlers a can of silly string each and said “go nuts”.

I should’ve been an artist…